2.0

Wow, it has been a long time since I’ve written a post.

It wasn’t my intention to let this blog fall to the bottom of my priority list, but it did. I’ve spent the past (almost) 2 years trying to figure out how to be a mother and still be myself. Just when I think I’ve got a routine down, my son changes it up on me. I’ve learned to become more flexible, but it takes me a few days to adjust to new.

I love being a mother. Yet I’ve learned I need to carve out time for myself, and do the things I love . . . otherwise I’m too caught up in chasing my toddler, tackling mountains of laundry and dishes, watching Veggie Tales and singing kids songs.

I’ve even let my appearance slide. Many of you know I have a serious commitment to fitness, and I can’t believe I’m going to admit this: I’ve forgotten about make up, heels, hairstyles, and I’m sure I’ve broken a few fashion laws. I’m so thankful for a husband and friends who love me, and remind me that I’m a better mother when I take care of ALL PARTS of myself.

But this also meant I needed to keep writing. I owe it to myself and my career to continue writing blog posts, too. I know I won’t be able to post as much as I used to, but any posts will be better than zero.

Since last year, I spent a lot of time in my novel, Rage.I revisited scenes that bothered me. I talked to my characters. I had always known they had motives for why they did what they did, but I never asked them. When I finally did, what came up surprised me. I dug deep, deeper into my soul than I ever imagined possible. I went through some dark places to pull the truth out. It wasn’t easy, but it brought me through another level of healing.

I completed what would be considered the second edition for Rage. I’ve submitted the manuscript to literary agencies, hoping and praying to be picked up for representation. If I do, then the next step is to pray that the agency will sell Rage (and future novels) to a traditional publisher. I’m aware that the chances of this happening are slim to none. But I can’t let what is probably impossible stop me from trying anyway.

I should have done this before attempting the self-publishing route. In the past year, I’ve learned 2 things: one, I didn’t have enough confidence to run after what I truly want, and God wants me to stop trying to live life on my own terms: independent from Him and anyone else.

I don’t like to ask for help. I believe that I’m strong enough to do everything on my own. I’ve learned that is a stupid mindset to have. We were created for relationships. We have friends with talents different from ours, who can help. I saw examples of such when I did publish Rage. I had help from very talented friends and family, and I didn’t want to let them down. But I realized, if my dreams are ever going to come true, I needed to ask for help on the giant (and scary) scale: agency & publisher representation.

It may be too late for this series, and I’m okay with that. At least I can live in peace knowing that I gave it my all. While I wait to hear back from agencies, I have been editing the sequel, Resolve, so that it lines up with the changes I made in Rage. If I don’t end up getting a contract, then I’ll self-publish Resolve and get it out to my readers as quickly as I can (and release Rage, the second edition). I’m not wasting time while I wait, I’m moving forward and doing the work Resolve needs to get it ready for whatever will happen next.

I also don’t like waiting, and I’ve had to wait a long time to figure out what the heck I should do with my books. But I haven’t let the waiting slow me down. I’ve focused on raising my son, squeezing in as much writing as I can during his naps, and focusing on staying healthy. I also work part-time because I want to help my husband provide for us. I’m serious about getting out of debt. We want to be healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially.

So there you have it. I’ve been very busy, but I’m excited for the future. I believe my hard work will pay off. Here’s to hoping I’ll be able to share some specifics soon! Thank you for being patient. 🙂

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